6:03 PM. 10 minutes before boarding.

Always a heartsore to leave home, walaupun itu untuk mengejar cita cita yang sudah diimpikan dari jaman kecil. Never a pleasure memang buat ninggalin the so called your comfort zone. Which for me,  I would say super comfort zone. Why would I leave home? I have people who care for me disana and those people are the ones I really do care about. Family, best friends, potential best friends, childhood friends, siapalah.. Living far from those people for the past 1 year made me realize how worthy they are. Walaupun gue masih sangat sangat bersyukur that I got this rare opportunity to experience living abroad.

It's true, that distance only makes your heart grow fonder. So does your love.

6 more months di Netherlands, insyaAllah if everything goes well (AMIN) & I'll be back home :-) 

Btw yesterday I watched Lucy (the movie) & though plotnya agak kentang, tp ada 1 quote that I really like. I forgot the exact words :p tapi intinya, she said kalo satuan hitung buat hidup manusia sebenar2 nya bukan angka, melainkan waktu. Krn without time, life would only be a series of meaningless things. 

Thus....

Gotta enjoy every seconds of my life! 

Ciao, see u Indo in 6 months :-)

Do you know that feeling when you feel unsatisfied?

when you constantly feels like you're not good enough, not kind enough, and you don't know which one you want, help or ignorance?

When sometimes you just want to live in peace, 

you don't want to bother anyone's business and you hope that no one will bother yours too.

But it sucks to be ignored.

You're tired of trying to smile and agree to what everyone says about you, all for the sakes of living in "peace".

But deep inside, you know that they don't know that much about you, who you really are, what you really feel, what you want to be, simply because you never really let anyone in. Or because you are used to not showing your actual feelings, to avoid being too involved and getting hurt, to avoid being lied to & most importantly because you know that no one really cares.

You know that it would be a lot better if you could just run away full speed to someone that you can rely on, someone that would actually care. 

and you've been looking and waiting the whole time.

But wouldn't it be so selfish to keep asking for help and not willing to actually give help? to start caring about others? 

It hits me, big time that maybe I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Wouldn't it be a lot easier if we start listening to others, and start to try to actually care about what they feel?

Then maybe, you could find someone who have mutual thought and feeling. 

The thing I can't figure out is how to start doing so.

Easier to tell than to actually do.

Hmph, should be going to school naw daagh

Bilakah kau menepi di labuhku?
Bilakah kau menjauh? 
Membentang kau jelas di sana, namun tak teraih
Kau tak datang pun tak pergi

Tidakkah bimbang menyiksamu
Masih banyak pulau yang dapat kau temu
Sejenak saja, hampiriku

Riak-riak berlabuh di pantaiku
Darahku kian menderu
Berharap 'kan jelas disana, hanyalah karenamu
Tiap senja di labuhku

Menepilah!

Float-Tiap Senja

I just had my 3rd glass of cappuccino, don't know what it means though.

I want to speed up time to next semester which I'll be sure where will I go for exchange or double degree programme. I can hardly wait until I finally able to escape from this routines, and this town. I guess I'm just extremely bored. I have these choices : Rotterdam, Groningen, Germany, Innsbruck, and UK. I was sure, prior to last week that I'll choose UK no matter what it takes. But then I heard a lot of stories about Groningen, which made me certain to decide to go there. I really can't wait. Funny thing is I don't feel anything towards this town anymore. Not love, not hatred. Mati rasa, probably. Nothing in this town would make me stay longer than I should do, nothing and nobody. I miss my hometown, I miss my family, I miss my room, I miss my old friends. The only thing I like about this town is my friends, they're lovely for sure, but still, I miss my old life.

Whilst I was still in High school, I had this dreams that one day, I'll be living in Bali, have my own Coffee shop, and my own clothing line. I would bake cakes, cookies, brew coffees in the morning, go to the beach for sunset, and design clothes in the evening. Life would be perfect. But, there's always but in every story, I'm a big city girl, I won't stand long being far from big city. Like, Jakarta or Paris "où j'ai laissé mon coeur". Yet I never imagine living in Paris for long time although I  love that city to bits. Can I live in both at the same time? I want both Jakarta and Bali :(

God knows the best though, I'm sure God will give me the best decision one day.

I'm just bored.

Ghh extremelyyyyyy bored.

And I love this song by Float -Pulang

Dan lalu...

Rasa itu tak mungkin lagi kini
Tersimpan di hati
Bawa aku pulang, rindu!
Bersamamu

Dan lalu...

Air mata tak mungkin lagi kini

Bicara tentang rasa

Bawa aku pulang, rindu!

Segera

Jelajahi waktu

Ke tempat berteduh hati kala biru

Dan lalu...

Sekitarku tak mungkin lagi kini

Meringankan lara

Bawa aku pulang, rindu!

Segera

Dan lalu...

Oh langkahku tak lagi jauh kini

Memudar biruku

Jangan lagi pulang

Jangan lagi datang

Jangan lagi pulang, rindu

Pergi jauh!

THE CAPPUCCINO DRINKER

What's not to like about the extroverted, optimistic cappuccino drinker? Like their drink, cappuccino drinkers are all froth and bubble, bored by detail and liking - but not obsessed with - material objects. "Freud would have a field day here," write James and Moore. "Cappuccino froth gives the tongue the mother of all workouts and is all to do with the physicality of the experience rather than the basic consumption of the beverage." The cappuccino drinker enjoys sex but is easily bored by an unimaginative partner.

That moment when you do something because your heart said so. Eventough your mind said no. 

That awkward feeling you got afterwards.

That 0.000000001 second moment of regretting what you just did but then you realized it was what you really wanted to do. 

That kind of feelings. 

so......lately my ability to write and talk in english has been shrinking.

I suck at grammar.

And I miss eating sushi till I barf. 

Bridge at Rue St Michel
Paris♥